BECOMING A MRS

I know I should not be feeling like this. Somehow, I knew this day would still come.. But it does not seem to help. I feel left out. My older sis would be getting married in a few days and I have never felt more alone. Sadly, I am not even looking forward to the day. The day I prayed so hard for. Rewind, few months back, the family was ecstatic,myself included. Now that the day draws near ,I am aware of all the unspoken words and spoken ones that would be said to me that day.

I am from a family of all girls and I am the second born, our third was the first to get married, now it's our first, which is a long time coming. I am the only one left now of marriageable age who is yet to be attached also. I see the pity looks at work or the worrisome ones from colleagues who think… maybe she is too picky. I know within my heart that I am not and that I am just yet to meet that one who sets my soul and heart on fire or race like they say. I know that at the right time, Almighty Allah will answer my heart desires and give me mine. It's just easier thought than believed. My heart knows this but my head seems to need convincing.

Meanwhile, preparations are on for my older sis who is lucky enough to have found hers. Sometimes I wish we were not African and could be more like the Kardashians. What am I saying? Even the Kardashians love getting married… especially to black men. So who am I kidding?  Phew.. Still. I wish. My mum snaps me back to reality when her call comes through . Where are you? She asks.. OMG.😮 I forgot to tell her I was running late again today. Or maybe she just seems to be keeping tabs on me than usual lately. I can't tell. I just know I feel choked and wanna get out. Now I am wondering why I prayed that my sister should get married before I do and not the two of us at once. But who am I kidding, I am not ready for marriage. I am ready for a serious relationship though even if that keeps evading me.

It's almost as if I am never good enough for them. Till they leave me and realize I was the best thing that ever happened to them.. Then they wanna come back. But nah...I'm good. I never go back to my vomit. .thank you!  Plus, indecisive men are so unattractive. I mean… why do u have to lose me before you realize my value. Miss me with that bulls**t. I am at the entrance I say to her on the phone. She says ok and comes to get the door for me.

We walk in together while she complains about something she ate that upsets her tummy. I am not really paying attention but I nod so that she can move on. My mind wanders to the last asshole. ..very immature one I must add I brought home last. Was praying five times with me whenever he comes over. If only I had known, the prayers were just to cover up who he really is. A cheap inconsiderate, insensitive jerk who cared only about himself. Anyways, it's all done now. I am just not bringing any man home again… ever till I am sure he wants to put a ring on it or actually treats me like a man should for a lady he cares about. My family knows how to ask every last question till you have no choice but to give them all the low - down and the down - lows. I hate looking and feeling stupid. But no more. I'm done. Now it's my career and my own personal goals that come first. Done with mediocrity. It's either the whole nine yards..or I remain single. Being single is not so bad sometimes. It's only at family gatherings that it makes you look ‘alone’..*sigh*

Now I understand why so many women ‘settle’. Society has made it seem like no matter what you achieve or your success, once you are not married.. You are not respectable or responsible and this goes for both the male and female. It's just women feel more pressured because we are told our biological clock is ticking and you have to be married and start having kids on time while you are young due to fertility and so many other reasons. I am of the opinion though that when you settle for less. ..you end up with less than you settled for. So nope,i’ll pass! Not doing that to myself. Life is too short to be stuck with a partner whose laugh u cannot stand or who does not give you butterflies in your tummy everytime he/she walks in a room. If not.. Why would you even marry that person?. Set him/her free. Let he/she find its true partner and mate in life and even if my biological clock is ticking that even I can hear it. It's still not worth the hype. Look at our parents. None of them laid a good example for us,yet they keep telling us to get married. How do you marry someone for over 20years and now cannot stand to be in the same room with each other. Do they know how scary that is to us?

We walk into the living room and my sis tries to belch as usual. Her tummy is always filled with gas..lol. What's new? . I know I sound stuck up .. but i am such a stickler for good manners. It's the least you can do in the middle of company. She always blames the ulcer... Yeah right. Of my three sisters, I am always told I am the “Paris (nicknamed after Paris Hilton) because of my beauty and charisma or Kim Kardashian because of my business ambition and looks too. Something about us will remind you of the kardahsians. In fact, we have joked severally about planting a camera in our house to have a reality show as we have been told times without number that we are funnier than the kardashians, our friends never wanna leave when they come around. My younger sisters especially. Plus we are a fashionable bunch! The third is always sarcastic and undeniable blunt with a tinge of humor. Her way with words always leaves us holding our stomachs with laughter while the last has a fresh but still funny outlook and spin on words that makes you know undoubtedly that Public relations is truly her calling. Our first is always quiet and only speaks when spoken to. Yes, she likes to always feel and act like the boss of us all.. But we know the truth. She just likes to soak up all the information and never volunteer hers...lol. Getting information out of her is like pulling a horse tooth, very tough and uncomfortable!

Everyone looks settled in telling one joke or the other but instinctively all look up to ask what I bought. I dunno why they do this to themselves cos we all know I bought nothing. I am trying to watch my figure, hence no binge eating. It's a war tho but my conscience wins almost all the time.

They are discussing the styles to sew now for the wedding as well as other decisions to be finalised before the D-day. It's amazing how we kill ourselves ,run helter skelter for just a day (or half) if the wedding ends 4pm like most do...but we are Africans and this is what we all live for. To outshine your enemies with your tempting aso- ebi and blinding facial highlight..😂😃. Dem go take jare. I remind myself that this is only for a day and this too shall pass, Just like the others!





Please do not forget to like and comment on this post if you enjoyed it.. Will try to be more frequent with my posts..just had a lot going on.
Thanks... Love u all.